Kudos to John Cihon for the awesome bout recap!

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Doctors Defeat Slashers: Same As It Never Was

by John Cihon

Saturday night the Steel City Derby Demons, Pittsburgh’s female roller derby league and members of the Woman’s Flat Track Derby Association (WFTDA), staged their April event ‘Shove They Neighbor!’ between the 2007 league champions Bitch Doctors and Slumber Party Slashers. Before the event, the Bitch Doctors had never lost a contest, having gone undefeated in the Demons’ inaugural 2007 season. The Slashers had never won one. After the event, neither the Doctors’ nor the Slashers’ win percentage had changed. But what took place during the match tested the Doctors harder than they’ve ever been tested.

Prior to the match, Slasher co-captain Miss Ill told me that the Bitch Doctors were the last team that the Slashers played during the 2007 season, and they were looking forward to the rematch for a chance to show the Doctors that things weren’t going to be the same as last season.

Despite past successes, the Doctors weren’t resting and demonstrated that they were ready to go to work defending their title, as exemplified by the brown work shirts they wore as they took to the rink for player introductions. As each skater was individually introduced, the brown shirts came off to reveal their red and black uniforms underneath. Despite being sidelined from the match due to prior injury, that didn’t stop Hurricane Heather from painting a skull on her face to look extra menacing during the player introductions. The Slumber Party Slashers took to the rink wearing lavender uniforms.

Shortly after the first period started, Betty Bonecrusher of the Slashers drew the first penalty of the match after causing a three-girl pileup. The score remained close, early on, with both teams exhibiting strong defenses that kept the other from ever amassing a large number of points in any one jam. Athena was a key defensive player for the Doctors, although her aggressive defense also acquired a fair share of penalties. At about the fourteen minute mark, the Crippler, who was on loan to the Doctors from the Hot Metal Hellions due to Doctor injuries, was able to pull ahead and score fourteen points in her turn at jammer, leaving the score at Doctors 44, Slashers 24. The Slumber Party Slashers, however, remained in the game and slowly cut the Doctors’ lead as the half wore on. The period ended with a strong turn at jammer by Slasher Attaxl Rose, who scored five points and left the score at Doctors 63, Slashers 52 at the half. Despite a Bitch Doctors lead, the Slumber Party Slashers remained confidently in the games, having confined the Doctors to their lowest-ever halftime lead.

During the halftime, the crowd was entertained by an event introduced as the way Steel City Derby Demons spend their free time when they’re not participating in roller derby: no rules, no holds barred musical chairs on roller skates. After multiple fights over chairs, the games ended with Jess of the Fresh Meat Squad, the Demons’ newest skaters who are not yet on a team, as the champion.

Five minutes into the second period, Bekkie MK-Ultra was at jammer for the Slashers when she was pushed out by a combination of three girls. While attempting to stop herself from going into the crowd, she bent her foot back and fell down. The match was stopped and the clock reset while MK-Ultra was transported out of the building and to the emergency room. Although it initially appeared to onlookers that her ankle was broken, the eventual diagnosis was only a severe sprain. While MK-Ultra won’t be skating for a while, she appears to be undeterred and eager to make a comeback. She wrote in her blog, “I might not be on skates for awhile but I am not going to let this keep me from coming back and killing anyone who ever tries to knock me down again.” MK-Ultra’s injury seemed to rally the Slashers, who pulled ahead at the twenty minute mark after strong offensive showings by both Attaxl Rose and Cheeseburger to gain the first-ever lead any team has ever had on the Bitch Doctors with the score at Slashers 73, Doctors 68. The score remained close after that until a penalty sidelined the Slashers’ jammer with five minutes left, giving the borrowed Crippler the opportunity to score nine points for the Doctors and leaving the score at Doctors 109, Slashers 97. Shortly after that Slashers captain Damage Dahl drew her fourth minor penalty, and was sent to the penalty box by the penalty box referee, while the jam referee told her to stay out, as the Slashers had three skaters in the box at that point, and by rule, no more than three skaters from one team can be in the box at any given point. Dahl was eventually sent to the box and later stated, “The Crowd-they’re like what’s going on, and your emotions are charged. . . You want to rip your hair out.” After that, the Slashers simply didn’t have enough time to comeback, and the games closed with the Bitch Doctors adding another win to their total and the score at Doctors 124, Slashers 101.

Bitch Doctors co-captain Double Destroyers minimized her team’s league dominance thus far, stating, “This years it’s anybodies game, each of the four teams have changed in different ways since last year.” Captain Dresta Kill added, “Every game is going to be pretty much anybodies game this year.” When asked about plans going forward into the season, Kill stated that she simply wanted everybody on her team to get healthy, as injuries had made not only her inactive, but as well, Hurricane Heather, Helen Fire, and Miss Managed Anger. Besides the Crippler, the Doctors had borrowed Ally McKill from the Wrecking Dolls to fill out their roster that night, although McKill remained inactive on the bench.